He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
