he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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