How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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