he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
