I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
