"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
