i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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