pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
