DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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