wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
