never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
