Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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