im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
