Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
