ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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