he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
