who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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