Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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