he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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