She is in my trunk
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
