dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
