grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
