My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
