walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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