Already got asked if we're dating
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
