She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
