we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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