conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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