Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
