I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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