It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
