My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
