Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
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You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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