No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
