i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
