Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
