If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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