Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
