You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
