true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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