let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
