You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
