How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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