I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
