god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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