Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
