He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
