My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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