i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
