Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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