I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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