woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
