Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED