you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
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do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
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I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.