after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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