Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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