He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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