What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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