i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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