cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
