I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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