So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There r osticjed everywhere
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
