I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Pants are for mortals
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
