Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
