My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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