First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
