you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
