i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
