hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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