Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
