the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
