she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
